New York Yankees’ star shortstop and MVP candidate Derek Jeter has announced he will not attempt to record for most hits by a Yankee, in homage to Lou Gehrig’s accomplishments. Manager Joe Girardi had no comment, as Jeter said he will cease exerting any energy to register a hit after notching his 2,720^th.

New reports from are emerging from disgruntled Mets employees, saying that the relocation of some minor league players to the Dominican Republican was actually a ploy organized by GM Omar Minaya in order to be able to vacation in the Caribbean. Said one front office intern, “he left on July 30, right before the nonwaiver trade deadline, and then came back just yesterday.”

Nine-time All-Star, member of the 500 home run club, and now entrepreneur? Indeed, the controversial New York Met Gary Sheffield known for his ferocious swing has filed a patent for an oversize corkscrew on behalf of his Sheffield Entrepreneurial Ventures company.

“They always talk about my corkscrew, but of another kind,” said the 40-year old slugger. “Now they can buy my Sheffield Corkscrew to open any megasize wine bottle you may be storing.”

Image: Modified AP Photo/Mike Carlson