As the referees say they will likely be locked out for the start of the 2009-10 NBA season, commissioner David Stern has reportedly will propose to owners a professional, no holds barred version of basketball. “No rules, every man for himself,” described Stern. “Imagine how Ron Artest would go crazy! Shaq versus Nate Robinson. LeBron passes to fan in fifteenth row, who tosses back for a dynamite alley hoop. It would make for a great season.”

“This variation of the game we all love would open up new revenue streams and expand existing ones,” added Stern. “From a merely business perspective, the possibilities are endless!”

If the owners approve the rules-free game, Stern hopes to arrange an exhibition game in Los Angeles, pitting the lowly Sacramento Kings against the champion Lakers.

Former Governor Ventura drew from his time as a star wrestler.

As news continues to trickle in concerning 18-year old Spanish standout Ricard “Ricky” Rubio’s decision to forego an NBA career for two years in favor of spending more time in Europe, so do rumors of what Rubio’s eventual reasoning was. Reputable sources of the Sports Sandwich say that it can be traced back to former governor, professional wrestler, Navy SEAL, and Minnesota Timberwolves fan Jesse Ventura, who was reportedly furious with his team’s selection of Rubio in the 2009 NBA Draft. According to our sources, Ventura confronted Timberwolves general manager David Kahn and Rubio in Spain just yesterday, after the latter agreed in principle to sign with Minnesota. A video that emerged on the popular video-sharing site YouTube shows the 280 lb Ventura sending the 190 lb Rubio into the fetal position courtesy of booming roars that have been known to reduce grown men to tears.

“I wanted Stephen Curry, damnit,” the steaming Ventura shouted in the direction of GM Kahn. “KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN.” Turning his attention back to the diminutive Rubio, “Don’t step into my state!”